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April 17th, 2019

A little gallows humor

My parents were contacted with a survey from a local funeral home, which prompted an updated discussion about what they want to happen when one or the both of them go off the earthly plain, as it were. I knew that Dad didn't want to be buried or anything fancy but Mom has been on the fence about it. But it seems she's come around to Dad's way of thinking. It did sink in to her that heck no, she didn't want to be buried in that hell hole of a town and there wasn't really anywhere else she could think of that would be any more suitable.

Anyway, they got stood up by the funeral home people who were supposed to come by at 10am on Monday and they were pissed. Then they were even more pissed with the jerk from the home called yesterday and gave conflicting excuses for the woman that was supposed to show up. First she had some "family emergency" and then further along in the conversation "her car was stuck in a ditch" (boy, was this woman having a bad day or what?) and then he said "but she called you." Dad coldly told the guy that no, they weren't called and they waited around for three hours. The guy STILL tried to make a sales pitch and Dad said they weren't interested.

But anyway, on to the fact that we're a weird-ass family. We started talking about how HELL NAW they wouldn't get any pre-dead package crap because firstly, neither one of them need to buy a plot that they won't use and secondly, when one of them goes, it's likely the other one is going to get the hellll out of town. We also talked about how having a fancy pants funeral isn't something we'd likely want to happen because why waste money paying some dumb funeral home to do some ceremony when we don't even know anyone in town and most of the relatives may not be able to make it there for a specific time anyway? May as well have folks come by the house when they can to pay their respects because there's not going to be a casket anyway. Both parents want to be cremated - Mom especially likes the idea I have of taking some of their ashes and making really beautiful glass art with it. -> Example

Then we started to get slap happy. I was making the comment that we weren't about to buy any dumb old urn from these shysters since they're creepy looking and too expensive and there's always that story about a pet knocking over grandma's ashes and rolling in them or something. So I started making jokes about finding something better - like a coffee can. But nowadays it's hard to find a metal coffee can. I then piped up with
Me: "Hey! I have a Cafe du Monde coffee can in my kitchen that I've not even opened! Which one of you want?"
Dad: "Geez, you in some sort of hurry?"
Mom: (is absolutely wheezing with laughter)
Dad: "Oh great, now you're going to kill off your mother first and she'll get the can"
Me: "Slow down! I haven't even used the coffee yet! You guys got time"

Yeah, we're nuts. When I was making cracks like "We've replaced your Mom with Folgers' Crystals," Mom was laughing so hard that her eyes were red from wiping away the tears.

This entry is crossposted from https://missdiane.dreamwidth.org/1087981.html. You can comment here on LJ or if you prefer, on on the original post at DW using OpenID. comment count unavailable comments are currently on Dreamwidth.
Today's been a bit disheartening and annoying but I'll spare the details.

But the phrase of the day comes from a frantic faculty member who needs some data from me:

"Bless your heart. I am spinning out of control with Arbor Day"